


Take the Leap

by tardisheart134



Category: Supernatural, deancas - Fandom, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Cedar Point, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Roller Coasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 06:14:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13564563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisheart134/pseuds/tardisheart134
Summary: Castiel was just within reach but Dean didn't dare.  He felt like he was holding together shattered porcelain and even a heavy breath would render it to pieces.





	Take the Leap

Castiel had been a warrior of heaven for more than a millennia. He has waged wars and fought in bloody battles and lost everything. Disappointment was something he was used to. He had been conflicted a number of times on his search for the right path. He had thrown himself in harm's way multiple times when he believed in the mission. All of that seemed like a faint and distant memory. More like a dream that he was waking up from or a past life. Each new day as a human, put him further away from the bravery he once knew. 

It seemed ridiculous that a warrior who once charged the gates of hell in a holy war to save Dean Winchester was now afraid of the dark. Dean seemed to understand though and didn't mock him as he hung a string of night lights above Castiel's bed. Castiel may be as old as the universe but he was a bran new human. It wasn't just fears like being afraid of the dark though. Castiel feared day to day life. Things like going through the supermarket checkout and meeting new people made him anxious. Often times he would opt to stay in the bunker while Sam and Dean did everything from work a case to picking up pie and beer. And whatever unspoken feelings had been between Cas and Dean before were all but faded. Castiel barely came out of his room to eat and would scarcely say above a few words to Dean let alone make any kind of eye contact. 

Dean was almost to his wit's end as to what to do to help the angel. 

"Dean - When was the last time Castiel left the bunker?" Sam's tone was enough to indicate to Dean that Sam thought this was somehow his responsibility.   
"At least a month, I think. I've lost count."   
"Well, don't you think that you should do something about it?"   
"Sam, I don't know what to do - don't you think I would have done something by now if I knew what to do?"   
"Have you talked to him? "   
"What would I even say? This isn't what I'm good at - besides he doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me."   
"Yeah, but Dean, he can't spend the rest of his life in that room just because he is scared. Why don't you ask him to go for drive. Just a joy ride - no destination so he doesn't have to worry about a hunt or other people. The fresh air will do him good and maybe he will open up to you."   
"I will give it a try but I don't think it will work."

Despite the fact that Castiel had pretty much clammed up in all respects, Dean had found joy in cooking for him. Every taste was bran new to Cas and Dean liked introducing him to new things and finding new recipes to impress him with. One of the first things that Castiel had really liked was peanut butter chip pancakes The next morning Dean made a stack of pancakes and bacon to lure Castiel out of his room. The smell of bacon sifting through the bunker was enough to produce a sleepy eyed Castiel at the table. 

"Morning sunshine." Dean said as he poured the now blushing Cas a glass of orange juice. He sat a plate down in front of him with the steaming stack of cakes and syrup.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas gritted around a mouthful. 

Dean sat down tentatively as if attempting not to spook a wild horse. He watched Cas over the rim of his coffee cup as he inhaled the pancakes. There was a tightening ache in his chest. He had feelings for Castiel obviously but he was so overwhelmed with worry. What if Castiel never left the bunker again? What if he never got the chance to tell Castiel that he loved him? What if Castiel couldn't find the courage to reciprocate?

"Hey, Cas. I was thinking…why don't we go for a drive…just you and me." 

"Why? Do we need to go somewhere? Is there a hunt? I'm really no good to you on a hunt anymore. You would be better off to take Sam."

"I don't want to take Sam. I want to take you…" Dean paused for a moment, paralyzed as Cas locked eyes on him for the briefest of moments. God - how much Dean had missed those eyes.

"…besides it's not a hunt…I just wanted to go for a drive…listen to some tunes or whatever…what to do you say?" 

Castiel busied himself by rinsing his plate in the sink and avoiding Dean's gaze. This was going exactly how Dean thought it would. He just hoped Cas wouldn't shut him out completely after this. 

"I don't think so Dean."

"Okay, Cas, will you look at me, please?" 

Castiel steeled himself, turning slowly from the sink to meet Dean's eyes. A few beats of weighted silence passed.

"What do you think about just coming to the garage with me. I've got to change baby's oil and you could keep me company and hand me tools and stuff and you could go back inside the second you were uncomfortable." 

Dean could see it, the struggle and the fear in Castiel's eyes. He almost retracted the offer just to spare Cas the internal conflict. Dean stepped closer, right into Castiel's personal space.

"I'm not trying to pressure you. God knows, what you are going through must be tough as hell. I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do…I just miss you, Cas. I miss our talks and I just want to help, you know?"

Castiel was just within reach but Dean didn't dare. He felt like he was holding together shattered porcelain and even a heavy breath would render it to pieces. 

Castiel could see the tears brimming un-spilled in those glistening green eyes. Facing fears, to fight for Dean was an old habit of Castiel’s, and one not easy to overcome. 

"I - uh - yes - I will come out to the garage." Castiel was flushed and suddenly his heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest but he wanted to be near Dean too even if it was awkward and terrifying. 

Dean pulled up a crate for Cas to sit on beside him as he delved under the hood to tinker. It was quiet and companionable with the low hum of Zeppelin in the background. It was a start.

A couple weeks later Castiel agreed to go for a small drive. Dean instructed him to close his eyes as he pulled out of the garage and into the day light. The window was rolled down and Castiel could feel the sun on his face and the breeze through his hair. For a moment, he was able to forget, to not think and to simply be present there with Dean. He opened his eyes to catch a glance of Dean smiling at him from the driver's seat. 

They drove west until sunset and then turned around for home. 

"Thank you, Dean." Castiel was watching Dean intently as he drove. "I was afraid that maybe, I would never leave the bunker again."

"Cas…" Dean's voice was low and thick with emotion as he pulled the impala over to the shoulder. The interstate was pretty much deserted under the starlit sky. Dean turned in the seat and locked eyes with Cas as he took his hand.

"I know that you're scared but I am here for you and I'm going to help you get through this - one step at a time. Life is a precious gift - but it's not something that is promised. You have to fight tooth and nail for your life and it can be scary as hell - but you have to do it anyway. Attack your fears head on. Promise me that you will keep trying."

"I promise, Dean." 

Dean felt a deep satisfaction in his chest like he and Cas has connected in a way that they hadn't quite been able to since Cas had lost his grace. The next day he started planning a trip. If this was going to be about facing fears - it should be equally as fun as it was terrifying. After all was there anything as exhilarating as jumping without a safety net? The fall may kill you but to fly for just a moment - wasn't that worth it all?

The next day he asked Cas to go for a drive that would end with dinner at a diner. And two weeks later when they ate at the same diner - Cas placed the order with the waitress instead of having Dean do it for him.

"Cas…do you trust me…?" 

"Yes, of course."

"I want to take you on a trip - somewhere - but I want to keep the destination a surprise. Will you let me take you?"

"Yes." 

Dean could see the hesitation in Castiel's eyes but outshining that was excitement and it was enough to make Dean's heart skip a beat. 

They both packed a light duffel bag and headed off to Sandusky, Ohio, where hundreds of thrill seekers and fear-facers filtered through daily to ascend to the heights of every roller coaster available. 

Dean had begged his father to take him to Cedar Point as a kid but there was never a convenient time. Dean had since grown up to fear heights and flying and learned to look for his thrills elsewhere but this seemed like the perfect excuse to chase those fears back into submission. They drove through the night. Cas fell asleep with his head on Dean's shoulder and Dean couldn't hide the lip splitting grin on his face. The parking lot was filling up with school buses and minivans as the sun came up over the park. Dean handed Castiel a donut as he woke up and looked around at the location.

"You brought me to a theme park?" Castiel was still blinking his sleepy eyes and Dean was almost too distracted by the powdered sugar on his lips. 

"Not just any theme park - thrill seekers from all over the country travel here to ride one of America's tallest roller coasters."

"And this is still about me facing my fears?" Castiel looked a bit squeamish. He could just barely remember the view from the heights he used to soar when he had his wings. He was getting a rush of adrenaline just thinking about it.

"This is about both of us facing our fears…together." Dean said it fairly confidently but now it was time for him to put his money where his mouth was. He was terrified of heights but more than that - he had been waiting to ask Cas to be his steady boyfriend. He was waiting until Cas was in a better place but truth is he was just scared and putting it off. They bought their day pass and got in line. They were surrounded by high school age kids who were playing themselves off as fearless in front of their friends. Dean found himself trying to do the same but he could feel his heart pounding a bit harder with each step forward.

The line moved pretty quickly - a little too quickly. Dean was starting to freak out but he was still trying to hide it. The attendant helped strap him in and Cas too. Cas was pretty quiet and Dean watched him from the corner of his eye. 

"Hey, Cas, how are you doing?" 

"I've got to be honest - I don’t understand why we are we doing this.”

"Because - We are alive and we are here to prove it. We are not going to live afraid anymore." Dean would have been more convincing if his voice wasn't shaking. 

Dean hadn't intended on this next part. He was facing his fear of heights while also - hoping to make a memory with Cas. He hoped this trip would be something they would both look back on fondly. But as the coaster began to move forward, Dean realized that his fear of heights was not really the issue. If he was being honest with himself, he had been holding back a lot of things out of fear and it was time that came to an end. 

"Cas, I think you know, that I think of you as more than just a friend. We have a more profound bond…as you've said yourself…before…"

Cas was looking at him trying to hear him of his heart pounding in his hears as they were about to be shot into the sky and then plunged into the depths. Their cart jolted forward and then began to chug steadily ahead. 

"Cas, I know things have been tough on you the last couple of months….but I was wondering if you would consider being my boyfriend?" 

The cart was steadily ascending upward and both their heads were being pulled back against the headrest by gravity but they still managed to meet each other's eyes.

"You pick now of all times to ask me this?" Castiel's tone was nothing shy of incredulous.

"This trip…this is about facing our fears right - both of us together - so this is me - facing my fears - Cas - what do you say? Will you be my boyfriend?"

"Dean Winchester…I thought you would never ask - yes - I will be your boyfriend - " Just then…Cas reached out to take Dean by the hand and in that same moment the coaster clicked up and over the top…a slight pause as they hovered on what seemed to be the top of the world. The view was literally breathtaking. And then the bottom dropped out and they both screamed high pitched and panicked as they plummeted down the track. Dean was sure he was going to break Castiel's hand he was squeezing it so tight. 

He was definitely feeling fear and adrenaline - worse than any monster he had hunted in the past (which just goes to show - you don't pick your fears - they pick you) but underneath that he felt exhilaration. Cas could have turned him down but he didn’t and Dean couldn't wait to start the next chapter of his life with Cas. The coaster came to a stop and again the attendants were there to unbuckle them and release them from their harnesses. Other riders cleared out - some to get back in line for another go. 

Dean sat still next to Castiel their fingers still interlaced. "Cas - did you mean it that you would be my boyfriend…it wasn't just the fear or the heights talking - you still mean it…?" 

"Yes, Dean…" 

"Cas - can I kiss you?" 

"Yes - please - " was all that Castiel was able to get out before Dean tugged him closer by his jacket. Their lips met slowly at first as if Dean wanted to remember every moment. Castiel opened his eyes just briefly enough to see Dean's broad grin before deepening the kiss. They both turned bright red as fellow passengers and onlookers cheered and applauded. Something about being on the top of the world makes you realize exactly who you want to take the leap with. 

Thank you for reading...I hope you enjoyed it! ;D


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